Darkness

Darkness...it has been plaguing my every day. I can't seem to find any glimmers of light as I spiral further and further into the darkness. The deep pit of depression is consuming me. Stealing every bit of hope and joy that I have. I struggle daily to get out of bed. It is so much easier to shut out the world and hide away. The tears flow frequently and then there is the emptiness. The dead fish feeling that prevents me from interacting with the world. My mind spins out of control distracting me from focusing on the world around me. Stuck in this endless movie that plays out in my head, keeping me from reality. I just don't understand...

I take my meds diligently and attend all appointments. Yet the treatment isn't making much difference. I feel like I am fighting a battle I can't win, even with support.

It has been a while since I have felt this trapped in darkness. It is hard to imagine a life where light is present. A place where I am hopeful and filled with motivation...but I can't find it.

I find even as I type here it is hard to put into words the extent of what I am feeling and experiencing. Words alone just can't seem to describe what it is like to be so consumed by darkness.

But still I go on....one foot in front of the other....