April 15 ~ 1

Trying to find the right combination of medication to help manage living with Mental Illness is a little like playing Russian Roulette. You never quite know where that medication will land...will it be helpful, detrimental or have no affect at all?

My doctor shifted my meds yesterday and took me off the Seroquel because of the side effects I was experiencing and put me on a low starting dose of Risperdone. Well...this morning I can say I miss my Seroquel. Although my nights were plagued with frequent dreams and nightmares, never quite getting into the restful pattern of sleep, it was still much better than the fitful night of tossing and turning, laying there awake that I experienced last night.

My brain hurts today...feeling very much overwhelmed and sleep deprived. Yet, the rest of me won't rest. I can feel the anxiety coursing through my body, likely due to my body missing that calming, grogginess that I experienced on the Seroquel. And also likely due to the intensity with which I have experienced things the last couple days, and the many overwhelming pieces of information that I have had to digest.

This day definitely calls for some "low key" time. Perhaps I will do a little reading, a little listening to music, of course some writing and hopefully some resting. Rest not only for the body, but also for the mind. I know...a lot for someone who is living with Mental Illness to hope for. Rest for the mind...that is a huge "HOPE" because my mind never rests, never has and perhaps never will. Who knows...perhaps it is dependent on how successful we are at playing Russian Roulette!