April 13 ~ 1

Well I made it through another day. My attempts to get a brief reprieve from the thoughts and emotions that plague nearly every moment of my day proved futile....because no matter how hard I try to escape they are always there. Yes, even in the recognition of the blessings of the day...a chance meeting with dear friends during a trip for ice cream in Steveston, the laughter of my daughter as she spins on the tire swing until she feels sick, the deep connection of friendship that my "teens" are so blessed with.....yes, there are moments of light, blessings no matter how small, within each day. So then why is it so hard to get a reprieve from the negative, destructive thoughts that consume my being? Nearly every moment in the day is filled with some kind of frustration, sadness or anxiety....whether it be directed at myself or at the many people who touch my life, especially those closest to me.

So yes, here I sit tapping away at my keyboard trying to make sense of yet another day where my spirit feels no sense of peace. Exhausted from "holding it together" for the day. Reflecting upon the little girl's dream in the movie "The Ultimate Gift".....to have a perfect day. What is that? What would that look like for me? Would I actually be able to feel a sense of peace for an entire day? Is that even possible for someone like me, who struggles to get through the day, let alone find a sense of peace within it?

Well...this weary mind, body and spirit needs rest....in order to face yet another day. Will I be fortunate enough to have a night where my mind isn't plagued by vivid nightmares and crazy dreams? One could only hope.......