April 15 ~ 2

I am not sure what is worse...the drug induced grogginess or the sleep deprivation induced mania. My body has been "vibrating" all day. My mind is spinning and there is absolutely no calming it. I know my sleep deprived body and mind needs to find some way to calm itself in order to attempt to get some sleep...now that's the trick. It is so incredibly hard for those of us who suffer from mental illness to turn our minds off. We don't seem to have that "switch" that most people have. I have spent a lifetime envying those who can so easily quiet their minds and find a place of rest. Even in sleep I so rarely find that place of rest. Perhaps that's why in my most exhausted and overwhelmed state I crave peace. I can only imagine how blissful that might feel when I find it one day...I can only hope for that. Yes, maybe one day we will find the "tools" which will bring peace to my mind and spirit.

Until then, I will seek that remote semblance of peace that I may find within the confines of my favourite blanket, in the arms the one I love, in search of any thoughts that may bring me peace as I treasure the gift of knowing that I made it through the day...even if I did so spinning on hyper drive!!